Influencing skills are not only valuable but absolutely necessary in a leadership position.  As John Maxwell said, “A leader without followers is simply a person taking a walk”.  The higher up one goes in an organization, the more they get must results through people.

In the old days, most companies were hierarchies.  If you wanted something done from someone below you on the org chart, you had the authority to make that happen.  Today, organizations are flatter, less likely to have position power to prioritize your interests.  Need to use influence – across the company, across the globe, even with external vendors.

I define influence as delivering a message in a way that moves people towards a commitment you want them to make.  That may be an action, a decision or even a belief.  Ken Blanchard said, “the key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority”.

Influential people are strong in 3 key emotional intelligence competencies:  Empathy, self-awareness, and conflict management.  All of these can be learned and improved!

  • Self-awareness comes from knowing your own emotions, thoughts, and habits, as well as understanding how they impact other people.  Self-aware people can recognize and differentiate feelings and are comfortable expressing them.  With this knowledge, they can manage themselves to be less self-centered, defensive, and competitive, making them more able to influence others.

You can build self-awareness by avoiding becoming so internally focused you miss the impact of your emotions on others – especially where you have position power and people may be more guarded in their reactions.

We all have “ouch points” – deep seated, long-held sore spots that others can trigger unknowingly.  If you know you’re facing a difficult conversation, prepare in advance.  What will you say if someone opposes you?  How will you handle it if you get criticism or anger?  Folks who have trouble getting in touch with their feelings often do better listening to their body.  Where’s the tension?  Our body can be the first clue we have work to do.

  • The second competency is empathy.  Empathy isn’t sympathy or being nice or agreeable all the time.  It’s the ability to be aware of, understand and appreciate the feelings and thoughts of others so that they feel heard and understood.  This is a crucial skill to turn conflicting arguments into collaborative, influential conversations.

To work on this competency, paraphrase and acknowledge what is being shared.  Use open-ended, curious questions to learn more.  Talk less and observe the body language.  Most importantly, build relationships before they’re needed so you can have the ‘social capital’ to draw on when needed.

  • Finally, influential people can also manage conflict.  They recognize and name the tensions or areas of disagreement and then work to create & promote the solutions best for all.  Metaphorically, those who do this well can find the areas of overlap in a Venn Diagram.

To work on this competency, practice empathic listening.  Seek to identify the feelings, needs, expectations, and issues in the words.  Acknowledge them verbally as well as through non-verbal cues.  Explicitly call out all the places in alignment. That will help folks work with you to find a common ground.

Hope that helps!